All posts by Mark

Top 3 Reasons Why It Took Obama So Long To Announce Osama Bin Laden’s Death

Top 3 Reasons Why It Took Obama So Long To Announce Osama Bin Laden’s Death

I don’t need to remind you that Osama Bin Laden founded the Jerk Store back in 1957. And thanks to Geraldo Rivera, I don’t need to tell you that he is now dead (who is going to run the Jerk Store??).

So what was up with how long it took President Obama to give that speech last night? It took forever! At 10:50 PM, I was very excited over the whole situation, but by 11:30 PM I wasn’t very excited over the whole situation.

Here are the top 3 reasons why it took Obama so long to announce Osama Bin Laden’s death:

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Let’s All Watch King Ralph Instead of The Royal Wedding

Let’s All Watch King Ralph Instead of The Royal Wedding

Since we all already took off work tomorrow to watch The Royal Wedding, let’s just watch King Ralph instead!

Because seriously, what’s the deal with this Royal Wedding? I don’t get it. Weddings are really boring! It’s not like we’re all invited to the reception afterwards to do the chicken dance and get drunk for free.

Everyone else in America seems to be very excited though (they must be invited to the reception). My LOCAL NEWS station spent half the broadcast speaking in british accents and promoting their live coverage called ‘Knight Cam’. Get it? Knight Cam??

Look, we should just watch King Ralph instead. It’s a funny movie, it has John Goodman, and it’s all about The Royal Family! We will have more fun, I promise.

What’s King Ralph, you ask? You shouldn’t be up reading this!
You have 5th Grade in the morning.
Ok, fine. Trailer after the jump!

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The Office S07EP23: Goodbye, Michael

The Office S07EP23: Goodbye, Michael

Yikes! That was really sad.
The final conversation between Michael and Jim really got to me!
I think I might hate goodbyes because I just got really sad watching two fictional characters say goodbye to each other.

I’m still not sure how I feel about The Office continuing without Steve Carell. He was obviously the best part of the show. What are we supposed to do now? Jim and Pam are the worst, and most of the characters only survived by playing off Michael Scott.

Will Ferrell as DeAngelo Vickers is hilarious, no duh. Especially in tonight’s episode when he and Andy stopped by the Animal Shelter and he told the story of saving a woman from a dog robber (perfect). But Will Ferrell is gone after the next episode.

Anyway, good job Steve Carell! You were very funny for the last 26 seasons of The Office.
Be safe out there. No more Evan Almighty’s, ok?

Farewell tribute video of Michael Scott’s favorite phrase after the jump.

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Tornadoes Are Jerks

Tornadoes Are Jerks

Hey Tornadoes. The jerk store called. They’re running out of you.

‘Harry Potter And The Deathly Hollows: Part II’ Trailer

‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part II’ Trailer

The trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 2 after the jump!
Spoiler Alert: It looks really good!

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PepsiCo To Release Social Vending Machines

PepsiCo To Release Social Vending Machines

PepsiCo is releasing a line of social vending machines (what?) that will allow customers to connect with friends and gift them drinks with the push of a touchscreen button (WHAT?).

According to a PepsiCo press release:

Using digital technology, PepsiCo’s Social Vending System enables any user to gift a friend by selecting a beverage and entering the recipient’s name, mobile number and a personalized text message…The gift is delivered with a system code and instructions to redeem it at any PepsiCo Social Vending system.

Look, I know I’m turning 47 years old this November, but seriously, what is this? I’ve watched the video explaining how it works about eight times now, and I’m still lost. But let me give it a shot:

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Reality Check

Good morning. Are you ready to take on the day?

Here’s a chart to remind you that we should all just give up and go back to bed. Good night!

(via xkcd)

Exclusive Interview: Screenwriter Of FastFive


The Return Of PunkPress

Take off those Team USA jerseys.
Because we are ducks, and ducks fly together.

That’s right! We’re back!