I don’t need to remind you that Osama Bin Laden founded the Jerk Store back in 1957. And thanks to Geraldo Rivera, I don’t need to tell you that he is now dead (who is going to run the Jerk Store??).
So what was up with how long it took President Obama to give that speech last night? It took forever! At 10:50 PM, I was very excited over the whole situation, but by 11:30 PM I wasn’t very excited over the whole situation.
Here are the top 3 reasons why it took Obama so long to announce Osama Bin Laden’s death:
3. He was busy playing ‘Call of Duty’ on the big screen in the situation room after getting psyched from watching the Bin Laden raid.
2. He was trying to sober up after the post-Bin Laden raid party (body shots off Hilary while Biden faded in and out of consciousness trying to sing karaoke to ‘Don’t Fear The Reaper’ but just spent the entire song arguing that they really don’t make songs like that anymore).
1. He was busy texting Geraldo Rivera: “Hey, thanks for ruining the surprise, asshole. I’m getting Sasha front row tickets to the Justin Bieber concert for her Birthday next week. Want her number so you can call and ruin that too??”
Yeah, probably #1.